Skip to main content

to Madeleine

So it's here. It's September 1, 2010. Madeleine Diane Steiner, the girl that made me a mom, is going to kindergarten. She's 4 years and 10 months old.

Why does my heart ache and my eyes well up with tears? Madeleine is showing signs of growing up and somehow that feels sad. Who knows all the reasons why but I safely assume I'm not the first mom to have these feelings. And I assume I'll feel them many times again.

I have all these hopes and fears for her today. I hope she makes friends. I fear that she'll be lonely. I hope she loves to learn. I fear that she'll be overwhelmed with the Chinese language. I hope she gets the best education we can offer her. I fear that I'll too soon be writing about her first day of middle school, high school, college.

Yet, in these hopes and fears I have this knowledge that this is all right. This is good. This is how it should be. She is meant to grow up, meant to move in to a stage of life where challenges and struggles are hers to face first. Where she'll feel pride over her talents and see the results of being teachable.

And isn't this love? Letting your child go? In selfishness I would hold her too close. But a greater love would let her walk but be close beside. Like my God. He holds me close but he knows that only in freedom can I experience true love. A love that lets me make choices, lets me choose or reject his love.

Madeleine, I don't know if you'll ever read this post. By the time it matters to you it will seem so ancient and I imagine blogging will be replaced with some other form of communication. But my deep, heartfelt love and hopes for you will never change. You are a beautiful child. Your heavenly Father has fashioned you in a way that is uniquely his. May you find the years of your life to be full and rich of the goodness of God.

You are loved.

Popular posts from this blog

bakery

This morning I got up around 5:30am. I'm leading a study tonight at a friend's house and so I've had time to this morning to think over what I want to share with my sisters. Our weather cooled off yesterday and this morning it's still cool and the crickets sound so lovely. Something about this morning has reminded me of working at My Favorite Muffin in Clarkesville. I had to get up around 5:30am back then so I could be at the shop at 6am. We opened at 6:30. I was never the only one on the road but it always felt peaceful and fresh driving to the bakery. The baker was always at the shop before me. He would get there around 5am to start the days baking. I really loved that job. It was so simple and predictable but it was just a great job. The sun is just coming up here and it looks like a nice day is coming. This is our last full day with the Littletons here. They'll leave tomorrow night for their flights back to Thailand. I'll miss them.
Read more

my amazing daughters

*Disclaimer* - The following may not be amazing at all. Lilian can blow her nose.  Hold a tissue to her nose, say "blow" and she blows her nose.  She's 10 months old.  I'm sorry, but that is amazing. Lilian answers questions by shaking her head "yes" or "no".  For example, "Do you want more to drink?"  followed by her head shaking "no". Lilian knows exactly what she is not allowed to touch.  As she approaches the forbidden object she starts shaking her head "no". She waves goodbye and hello. She puts objects to her ear, pretends it's a cell phone and says, "hi." Phil once heard her say, "All done!" Madeleine can tell you the story of Lazarus being raised from the dead.  She knew it after hearing it one time.  She can also tell you about Jesus' ressurection but Lazarus sometimes ends up in there too. She is 3 years old and 5 months. She gets up every morning around 5:30am, goes to the bathroo...
Read more