sore thumb

So it's here. It's September 1, 2010. Madeleine Diane Steiner, the girl that made me a mom, is going to kindergarten. She's 4 years and 10 months old. Why does my heart ache and my eyes well up with tears? Madeleine is showing signs of growing up and somehow that feels sad. Who knows all the reasons why but I safely assume I'm not the first mom to have these feelings. And I assume I'll feel them many times again. I have all these hopes and fears for her today. I hope she makes friends. I fear that she'll be lonely. I hope she loves to learn. I fear that she'll be overwhelmed with the Chinese language. I hope she gets the best education we can offer her. I fear that I'll too soon be writing about her first day of middle school, high school, college. Yet, in these hopes and fears I have this knowledge that this is all right. This is good. This is how it should be. She is meant to grow up, meant to move in to a stage of life where challenge

This morning I got up around 5:30am. I'm leading a study tonight at a friend's house and so I've had time to this morning to think over what I want to share with my sisters. Our weather cooled off yesterday and this morning it's still cool and the crickets sound so lovely. Something about this morning has reminded me of working at My Favorite Muffin in Clarkesville. I had to get up around 5:30am back then so I could be at the shop at 6am. We opened at 6:30. I was never the only one on the road but it always felt peaceful and fresh driving to the bakery. The baker was always at the shop before me. He would get there around 5am to start the days baking. I really loved that job. It was so simple and predictable but it was just a great job. The sun is just coming up here and it looks like a nice day is coming. This is our last full day with the Littletons here. They'll leave tomorrow night for their flights back to Thailand. I'll miss them.

I am really enjoying my life. Somehow, even though CD is so hot and muggy, I still like the summer best of all the seasons here. We have lots of sun and those wonderful thunder and rainstorms that pop up on lots of afternoons. We also have this wonderful swimming complex within easy walking distance of our home. The girls and I have been going there on almost every Tuesday morning. The kid's section is great with slides and things that squirt. Last summer my friend Kara was visiting around this time and I was thinking about that recently. I felt so out of place in this city and in my life then. I didn't know what to do with the girls, how to spend each day and how to take care of myself. Over this past year those things have all gotten easier. I still have times when I don't know what to do with the girls but it doesn't stress me out like it did before. I'll miss CD when we leave next year. Today I'm hoping to get a project started. I've been wan