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So it's here. It's September 1, 2010. Madeleine Diane Steiner, the girl that made me a mom, is going to kindergarten. She's 4 years and 10 months old.

Why does my heart ache and my eyes well up with tears? Madeleine is showing signs of growing up and somehow that feels sad. Who knows all the reasons why but I safely assume I'm not the first mom to have these feelings. And I assume I'll feel them many times again.

I have all these hopes and fears for her today. I hope she makes friends. I fear that she'll be lonely. I hope she loves to learn. I fear that she'll be overwhelmed with the Chinese language. I hope she gets the best education we can offer her. I fear that I'll too soon be writing about her first day of middle school, high school, college.

Yet, in these hopes and fears I have this knowledge that this is all right. This is good. This is how it should be. She is meant to grow up, meant to move in to a stage of life where challenges and struggles are hers to face first. Where she'll feel pride over her talents and see the results of being teachable.

And isn't this love? Letting your child go? In selfishness I would hold her too close. But a greater love would let her walk but be close beside. Like my God. He holds me close but he knows that only in freedom can I experience true love. A love that lets me make choices, lets me choose or reject his love.

Madeleine, I don't know if you'll ever read this post. By the time it matters to you it will seem so ancient and I imagine blogging will be replaced with some other form of communication. But my deep, heartfelt love and hopes for you will never change. You are a beautiful child. Your heavenly Father has fashioned you in a way that is uniquely his. May you find the years of your life to be full and rich of the goodness of God.

You are loved.

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