Every two weeks or so I wake up around 3am wide awake. This started a couple months ago. If baby girl is also awake I lay there and feel every twist and kick. If it's like today, she's asleep but my mind starts thinking and thinking and thinking.
Today's thoughts were on paint. Did we pick the right shades? Will we like it day after day? Will it be soothing or too loud? Silly, I know.
Madeleine is growing up. And although I've heard it said of others I didn't realize I would also someday be thinking, "She's growing up too fast." Yesterday she came to where I was studying to tell me "goodbye" before she went outside to play. She gave me a quick hug and a wave goodbye. I was watching her walk away and couldn't believe she's my daughter. She turned and saw me watching her, walked back to me and gave me a kiss. She must have sensed the need I had to hold her again.
I have a friend who recently had her second child. Anna, her oldest, is 6 days younger than Madeleine. On the way to the hospital to deliver her second she cried at the thought of never having only Anna as her child. I feel that pain even now. I can't imagine loving someone else like I do Madeleine. Yet in my lack of understanding I know that it must somehow happen.
A few mornings ago I was working on the computer and Madeleine was just waking. She was calling me. "Mommy, come. Mommy, come. Mommy, come..." When she called out, "Somebody, come." I couldn't ignore her anymore.
Madeleine thinks bodily noises and functions are funny and fascinating. Recently, I thought she had a dirty diaper but was wrong. I asked her, "Do you have gas?" She said, "No, my bum burped."
She's fascinated with how her little sister eats. The other evening at dinner we had a long conversation about how her sister eats now from what I eat. I then told her that when her sister is born she'll drink mommy's milk. She asked if she could nurse her, too.
For months and months now I've asked her if she had any dreams while she was sleeping. She almost always says, "Yes." When I ask what she dreamed about she almost always says, "Milk." Now, she thinks it's the funniest thing. I'm not sure what she thinks dreams are but I do know she likes milk.
If this next little girl brings as much joy, my life will be bursting. Hard to imagine that my heavenly father also feels such intense pleasure through my life.
And yet, somehow, he does.
Today's thoughts were on paint. Did we pick the right shades? Will we like it day after day? Will it be soothing or too loud? Silly, I know.
Madeleine is growing up. And although I've heard it said of others I didn't realize I would also someday be thinking, "She's growing up too fast." Yesterday she came to where I was studying to tell me "goodbye" before she went outside to play. She gave me a quick hug and a wave goodbye. I was watching her walk away and couldn't believe she's my daughter. She turned and saw me watching her, walked back to me and gave me a kiss. She must have sensed the need I had to hold her again.
I have a friend who recently had her second child. Anna, her oldest, is 6 days younger than Madeleine. On the way to the hospital to deliver her second she cried at the thought of never having only Anna as her child. I feel that pain even now. I can't imagine loving someone else like I do Madeleine. Yet in my lack of understanding I know that it must somehow happen.
A few mornings ago I was working on the computer and Madeleine was just waking. She was calling me. "Mommy, come. Mommy, come. Mommy, come..." When she called out, "Somebody, come." I couldn't ignore her anymore.
Madeleine thinks bodily noises and functions are funny and fascinating. Recently, I thought she had a dirty diaper but was wrong. I asked her, "Do you have gas?" She said, "No, my bum burped."
She's fascinated with how her little sister eats. The other evening at dinner we had a long conversation about how her sister eats now from what I eat. I then told her that when her sister is born she'll drink mommy's milk. She asked if she could nurse her, too.
For months and months now I've asked her if she had any dreams while she was sleeping. She almost always says, "Yes." When I ask what she dreamed about she almost always says, "Milk." Now, she thinks it's the funniest thing. I'm not sure what she thinks dreams are but I do know she likes milk.
If this next little girl brings as much joy, my life will be bursting. Hard to imagine that my heavenly father also feels such intense pleasure through my life.
And yet, somehow, he does.