Skip to main content

too hard to leave

I'm sitting on the back porch this morning. It's about 60F and the sun rising on my right has been lovely. Birds are having a hay day with this morning and I'm feeling it too. It's at this moment that I feel dread about returning to Chengdu. Uhgg.

In my mind and in my heart, China is what I call home. It seems like it should be because that's where my bed is and most of my clothes. That's where I spend most of my time. It's the currency that I've been converting US dollars in to while here to figure out money's true value. It's where Phil and I have spent the majority of our married lives. It's where Lily was born. But as I sit here this morning and as we played at the park yesterday I felt and I feel like this is home. This is where I understand small talk and where everyone knows that apple pie is something to smile about. I don't have to explain why the smell of someone grilling makes people feel content and happy. This is where I fit in and that feels really good.

The good thing is that if someone told me today that we couldn't go back I wouldn't be happy. Simply because I feel like that's where we're supposed to be. And life isn't supposed to be about seeing every beautiful sunrise or hearing the birds every morning. It's about being where we should be and becoming who we should be.

So, Father, thanks for a good sunrise and this precious time and let me be thankful for where I'm at because that's what you want.

Popular posts from this blog

happy birthday

Today I am 29 years old. I don't mind being a 29 year old. It has it's advantages, I'm sure. It's only 7:33am so I don't really know how my actual birthday is going to be but yesterday was great. After a meeting here at home with the other Seminary English teachers, Phil told me that Terri (coworker) wanted to see me the office. I knew something was up and when I walked into the office everyone was standing there, Terri was holding a cake with candles, and they all started singing "Happy Birthday". I wasn't surprised that they did something but I was surprised to have everyone there at that moment singing to me. I'm enjoying a piece of the spice cake right now with coffee. They also made me a really sweet card that was very encouraging. Terri and Buddy(dog) came over around 5pm last evening so that Phil and I could go out. I knew we were going to a restaurant and I knew we should dress a little nice. We both looked nice but we couldn't...
Read more

still cooking

As of today we are 4 days late. That is assuming that man can accurately determine the day a baby should be born. Which, obviously, he can not. So, we wait. The thing with pregnancy is that most woman began to really anticipate that Big Day about a month before the due date and so when that day comes and goes it has been a long time of waiting. I keep trying to remember 2 things. One, when she comes our nice little family of 3 will be forever altered and two, she will come. In fact, she will come by the end of next week if not sooner - thanks to the ability to induce. So in the mean time I'm able to blog with both eyes wide open, take Madeleine swimming on a whim, have dates with Phil whenever and stay up late watching "Numbers" without worrying about my sleep debt. Not so bad when you think of it that way.
Read more

All these posts

Somewhere in space are all these posts that people write.  I've had this blog for years now and I hardly ever use it but it's still always here.  Who is that person that finally says, "Okay, enough is enough. Your blog is gone."? I'm tired.  It's Saturday afternoon at 4pm.  I'd like to nap longer or watch a movie.  I don't want to play chu chu train and I don't want to take a slow toddler paced walk outside.  I don't want to start making pizza but I should, which means I need to go buy tomato paste, make the sauce and make the crust.  I'm feeling lazy and a hard thing with being a parent is that when you're lazy, others in your life have the potential to starve. We're looking at buying a house.  It's not an easy thing to do when the house is on one side of the globe while you're on the other.  When I want to get something done, I want it done now.  So, that's making this process hard.  We're at the mercy of east...
Read more