Skip to main content

too hard to leave

I'm sitting on the back porch this morning. It's about 60F and the sun rising on my right has been lovely. Birds are having a hay day with this morning and I'm feeling it too. It's at this moment that I feel dread about returning to Chengdu. Uhgg.

In my mind and in my heart, China is what I call home. It seems like it should be because that's where my bed is and most of my clothes. That's where I spend most of my time. It's the currency that I've been converting US dollars in to while here to figure out money's true value. It's where Phil and I have spent the majority of our married lives. It's where Lily was born. But as I sit here this morning and as we played at the park yesterday I felt and I feel like this is home. This is where I understand small talk and where everyone knows that apple pie is something to smile about. I don't have to explain why the smell of someone grilling makes people feel content and happy. This is where I fit in and that feels really good.

The good thing is that if someone told me today that we couldn't go back I wouldn't be happy. Simply because I feel like that's where we're supposed to be. And life isn't supposed to be about seeing every beautiful sunrise or hearing the birds every morning. It's about being where we should be and becoming who we should be.

So, Father, thanks for a good sunrise and this precious time and let me be thankful for where I'm at because that's what you want.

Popular posts from this blog

moving time

Well my house looks like it did at some point when we moved here about 2 years ago. Boxes lying around, no pictures up, hammers, cleaning rags and tape sitting in random spots around the living room. It's a mess. Another move, more good-byes and mixed emotions. I'm going to miss... ..real CH food whenever I want it for dirt cheap, ..a tailor that made all my curtains and waves to me every time I walk past her shop, ..the little boy who's parents own the light bulb shop and yells, "hello!" every time we pass by, ..all the little kids that very politely say, "Ayi" (Aunt) when they pass me, ..our first friend in Chengdu who owns a local shop and buys birds as a hobby - bird guy, as we call him, ..the best dumpling makers, the steamed bread makers, the shopkeepers that deliver our milk for free and know our address by heart, ..the courtyard of our complex where Maddie can play by herself or with her friends while we keep an eye on her from our 4th floor, ....
Read more

sourcream

Today I'm making a chicken dish in the crockpot with sourcream. It's actually quite amazing that this is happening. I would never normally have sourcream here because first of all I'd have to make a 30 min trip (not including the prep time to get the bus or taxi) to METRO in HanKou and secondly I'd have to spend a large sum of money for a gigantic tub of sourcream that wouldn't even fit in my little fridge and on top of that Phil doesn't even like sourcream (poor fellow). So how did I get this wonderful gift? The office bought a big tub for a party and they sold the leftovers. So, I'm making something like chicken stroganoff. For those concerned about what Phil will think, he'll like it because it's mixed in the dish. There's a stray dog that's been living on our floor (12th floor apartment) outside of the elevators. She showed up a few days ago. She either walked the 12 flights of stairs or rode the elevator. She's little, blac...
Read more

facebook killed the blogger

Well, it's that time again.  The time when I remember that I have a blog and think about writing something. With coffee in hand, I've sat down in front of this screen and, I'm not joking, within seconds Abe is crying in his room.  Fortunately, for me, I can ignore him. We have a mountain behind our apartment.  It's literally behind our apartment.  I walk out the back gate, up a short road and BOOM, there's the mountain.  I like our apartment but I sometimes think about all the other apartment complexes that seem better.  Some are closer to the girl's school. Some have lots of other expat kids that the girls could be out playing with.  But none of them have their very own mountain.  And so, even with the things I'd like to change about this complex, I'm praying we can live here for a long time.  Phil tires to climb the mountain everyday.  I was inspired and I try to climb it every other day - I don't want to get too buff.  I never...
Read more