I don't know how many kids I want. I know how many kids Phil would like, 2. Immediately, after giving birth to Lilian I looked up at Phil and said, "I don't want any more kids. I don't want to do this again. Two is enough." I have not forgotten what caused me to passionately speak those words to Phil. But, when I hold my sweet little girl I have this nagging thought that I don't want this to be the last little baby I cuddle with.
So here is what I think about to try to decide:
Traveling...5 people boarding a plane, packing for 5, finding lodging for 5, feeding 5 while on vacation. We travel a lot so this is something that really is good to consider. Of course, the main time this will be a hassle is when 3 of the 5 are still young and need a lot of assistance from the 2 that are adults.
Sleeping...where does a third sleep? Is it possible to get 3 kids to nap at the same time? Both of my girls sleep through the night well almost every night, do I want to go through those couple of sleep deprived months again?
Evening hours...aren't these the toughest? Phil and I are tired and ready to wind down but even when the girls are asleep there are still dishes to be washed, rooms to be straightened, clean clothes to be sorted....
Who watches that third kid when both parents are already taking care of the needs of another kid? For example, giving Madeleine a bath and nursing the baby, where's Lilian and what is she doing??
Labor and Delivery...I've done it, do I want to do it again?
But then, I think about how sweet a warm baby is to hold when they just wake from a nap. How their smile melts you. How proud you feel when they learn something new or make their first joke. This list could go on and on. There are so many joys.
Phil and I are tired. We're tired of the daily grind. We need a date night, big time. It's totally possible and will happen this week but we've waited too long to have one. We often eat lunch together at a restaurant on Wednesdays because it's my day off from school. But there's something really special about leaving dinner, dishes and bedtime to a sitter.
When I sat down to write this post I was feeling pretty convinced that 2 kids is enough. But for some reason now, I feel really conflicted. Phil is open to the idea but would be very happy to stop now. I think I thought that writing this post would help me.
The really wonderful thing is that we have two super-duper kids and that is so special. We're blessed and I'm enjoying being a mom more and more all the time.